F*ck Self Doubt! And Do Beautiful Wonderful YOU!
So – last week I launched Krystal TV – a show designed to help you get past your mental blocks so you can live your best possible life! And on your death bed, feel like, “YES I rocked this sh*t! I’d love to live it just like THAT all over again!
But man – I was terrified for the launch. No joke – It was probably the single scariest, most self-conscious moment of my life. I’m not exaggerating, during the actual screening, with everyone’s eyes peeled on the first episode, I honestly thought I was going to have an aneurysm. But by the grace of the universe, and quite a bit of ass-busting work beforehand, it all paid off!
Then came the inevitable question – “What qualifies Krystal to give people life advice?”
I used to feel afraid or defensive about a question like this. “Who are you to tell me what to do?” But this time, it came from a very loving source, a long time friend who supported the book and the show – he just genuinely wanted to know – he was curious. And – without the defensive blinders up – I actually thought it was a really really great question, and a perfect topic for this weeks blog post – as I’m sure other people might be wondering the same thing.
So – Who the hell am I to give you advice? Ya?! Ya!! Who am I….
I’m not a psychologist. I’m not a psychiatrist. I’m not a medical doctor or a philosophy professor. I’m not a spiritual leader. I’m not a guru. (Really selling my self here huh).
Nope. I’m none of those glasses wearing, leather chair sitting, grey-haired, note scribbling things.
I’m just a normal person. Solving my normal people problems. Putting my Type A to good use by doing a crap load of research, over analyzing it to narrow it down, and testing those theories out on myself. And THEN, sharing what works for me, with others, in the event that it may work for them as well.
Sure, that doesn’t sound like a very big sell – which is honestly what I thought when I wrote the book. But at the point of publishing the book, I decided not to think too much about it and just do what I felt, intuitively, was the right thing for me to do. And I did (with that fear of who-am-I-to-give-people-life-advice ever present in the back of my head).
And guess what? (Squat! Belly full of ten boiled rat! – Joke – Inside joke for the Jamaicans). After I published the book, I got hundreds of messages and emails from people who told me the most wonderful stories about the incredible magical changes that were happening in their lives since reading it! GOD KNOW! (Some more Jamaican). Every single time this happens – it’s the biggest most surreal and fulfilling moment of my life.)
But here’s the funny thing. These same people, many previously suicidal, but most feeling anxious, depressed and totally hopeless, told me stories of past shrinks, past psychologists and councilors and other self-help books by famous authors that DID NOT work for them.
So why the hell did my little old book work for little old them?
Because they felt that I really deeply understood their struggle because I went through it exactly as they had. They felt empowered, knowing that they were not alone with these issues no one seems to be talking about, but so many of us are facing. And most importantly – They felt hope, knowing that me – a regular person just like them, with the same problems they’re currently having that seem like a dead end road – had actually overcome those problems and come out the other side on top of them. Hey if I can do it, so can they! They felt relief that little old OCD me, had put actual action steps in the book for little old OCD them! Because FML, who wants to feel inspired and fired up but then have absolutely no clue about what to do next! Talk about inspirational blue balls!
But yes. Every time I heard a story, from a reader who took back their power and changed their own lives and created their own magic- and is continuing to do so – the more I got a little courage muscle growing that you know what – fuck that ‘who-am-i’ doubt – imma share my sh*t anyways. That’s totally cool if it doesn’t work for some people, and if a more traditional route does, more power to them, but yo there’s a whole bunch of people just like me who this stuff is working for – and that’s’ who this stuff is for.
And that realization reminded me that on this journey of ours, finally – when we do connect to this thing we really want to do, fear comes in and disguises itself a self-doubt. A HARD ass pill of HARD ass self-doubt. And yow, I tell you, that fear is a smart ass mother f*cker. It comes up with some brilliant logic to trick you, so you feel to just go crawl back under your rock and live under a mushroom (a red and white one like in the cartoons).
So I’ll talk more about conquering fears in other episodes and other blog posts. But today I wanted to give you some action steps for conquering self-doubt.
- Do it for the right reasons. Make sure what you’re doing, you’re doing for the right reason. Make sure it’s something you feel intuitively in your GUT that this is what you’re supposed to do. If it is, the universe will support you, because it’s your destiny. (If you’re uncertain of how to tell, check out Chapter 6 in my book, The Stater Step).
- Set a date or a deadline to do this. If you don’t give yourself a timeline, trust me, that self-doubt will convince you to postpone it indefinitely.
- Anticipate the self-doubt. Just know that everyone who ever does anything for the first time, and even for the second, third, and fourth time, has this self-doubt. It’s part of the package. Find a greater reason why you should do it, than why you shouldn’t and focus on that instead. If it helps, focus on why you ARE capable of doing this instead of why you’re not.
- Do the work. Nothing beats self-doubt more than being very prepared. Get feedback on your work from close friends who understand what you’re doing. This way you can improve on anything beforehand to get yourself ready for the big day.
- Distract yourself. If you have some free time, your mind will play tricks on you especially coming close to the date. Do things that distract you and make you feel good; work out, listen to music, get immersed in a good book, do a guided meditation – or practice and prep some more! Anything to get out of your head, when your head is getting to you lol!
- Know that no matter what happens, it won’t be the end of the world. If you felt this is something you must do, it’s a part of your journey. If you’ve prepared, leave the rest to God or the Universe to show you what’s next. And whatever happens, there will be a valuable life lesson in it that you needed to know for something important in your future – and that will be priceless.
If you liked this post and would like to read more on becoming the best version of you, check out my book, “What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do With My Life?!” – With 5 stars on Amazon!
Or share this article with a friend who would find it helpful.
And sign up for free Krystal TV – for videos with more relatable actionable advice and more blog posts like this one.
Have a wonderful day! Leading into a wonderful life!
Lots of love!
Ok. I’m coming out of the closet: Hi my name is Krystal, and I’m a new-agey hippie, and I don’t give a f*ck about who thinks it’s cliché. And here’s why:
Bc it sure as sh*t is, and I friggin’ love it anyways.
Now…. where’s the nearest tree that I can go hug?
Six years ago, my level of emptiness in my ‘perfect stupid fake @ss life’ was like woah. Pretending to be important (to myself mostly), driving in my Benz to my C-level job, barf barf barf. Even worst, it exasperated my anxiety and my depression issues. And I literally thought of killing myself. No joke – dramatic I know – but this is another story. Back to this topic.
So I did the math. After all, I AM Asian, so if I can do anything, it should at least be math.
Life = Make Money + Spend Money + Die ?
Holeeey God. Is that all there is? (Sung in that jazz song that I don’t know – I only remember that one line from Sex and the City’s Za Za Jew Episode).
But seriously… Is that all there is? F*ck My Life if that’s the f*cking case. “Then what the hell is there left to live for?” my suicidal self asked provokingly. Then my rational side, seeing no winning argument here, bought myself some time by answering back, “Well, I mean, if I’ve got nothing to lose, then I’m gonna go find out – if that’s all there is.”
Quit my job working with my family – it was a big deal lol. Moved to New York from Jamaica, with no visa and no plans. That was also kind of a big deal. And then nose dive face planted into the hella big ass unknown. At that point, everything was such a big deal that nothing was a big deal anymore.
Fast forward four years later. Holy mother of God what a journey. But let’s get back to the original thesis.
Is that all there is?
HELLA MOTHA FREAKIN NO ITS NOTTTT! Yikes. Yabadabbadoo. ZABA-goh-oey! It’s hard to cut this short, but one must in the interest of the average 2016 sized attention span. So back to it:
The most insane thing to me is that the media has managed to make us think it is, creating this big @ss veil in front of gazillions of people! (Gazillions is a legitimate term in hippiedom). But, look – this isn’t like, some ‘idealistic hippie conspiracy theory,’… like ….
‘Ugh the media, ugh, let’s roll a fatty and take a nap.’(Said in mean girls accent).
This is a matter of life and death. It’s a matter of feeling like you’re dead when you’re alive (for your entire life, so you’ve basically only ever been dead). And feeling so alive that you’re lit up with so much freaking life, you feel electric life in every cell of your being. It’s the difference of living just to eat, excrete and then get buried deep under ten feet ( wtf – did I just turn into a rapper?). And really using and experiencing the sh*t out of this one life you have – to the point that when you die, you cannot imagine possibly having lived more fully! You feel like, ‘woah, that was a good friggin’ run, peace out yo.’
I felt so passionate about the topic, that I was more inspired than I’ve ever been about anything else, to create a company that uses the media for positive change. So I created a company with the vision of producing entertaining and empowering media. Stuff that helps people live their most fulfilling and their freest lives. Like what you ask? Well, I’ll tell you at the end of the blog, I feel like it would just be a big fat plug at this point right now.
So – I’m at peace. I’m happy. I’m fulfilled, even on my absolute shittiest days. I have never been depressed again since that day six years ago. And I now have a hilarious relationship with my formerly tormenting General Anxiety Disorder – with no meds and one patient fiancé.
But best of all, I can’t wait to wake up to do my work, and I don’t care how much money I make. And I have no more doubt, only anticipation of the unknown up ahead of me. Why? Bc I’ve found my true north (you know on a compass when you know where north is, you can always find your way? – like that – thanks Wanderlust for the analogy).
But look – back to the point. Now, after I’ve spent four years finding ‘myself’ (yes, I know this sounds cheesy, but hey apparently that’s my thing now – along with beaded jewelry and essential oil as perfume). And after spending a year working on stuff I believe in with all my heart – I’m ready to put it out there and guess what?
I have cold feet. Like a groom right before he’s about to walk down the isle, I’m sweating bullets, my crotch is imaginarily scratching; I’m having a panic attack paralyzing all parts of my body except my eyeballs, which are frantically looking around for the nearest exit.
And I’m just like “WHAT THE HELL, KRYSTAL?”
Then I realized. While I’ve been on this adventure, all my closest friends have seen the old, corporate-b*tch-me die. And then seen this new happy hippie, new agey, crystals lovin’, inspirational quote buggin’, tree huggin’ mother f*cka get born (I’m a rapper again, wtf).
I’m a born again lifey. I don’t feel the need to be sarcastic about ‘happy sh*t’ or dumb down my joy and turn up the cynicism so I can seem cool and be invulnerable. If I see a quote that I think is powerful – Imma share it! I’m over it. I don’t wanna pretend like this is not what I am. Ya, I shed the ‘bad ass bitch’ and put on the unicorn costume, and I feel like the flaming gay man who got the chance to dress up and perform with Liza Minelli on his 50th birthday- like THIS IS WHERE I BELONG – in that unicorn costume. Yes. There.
In this hoodie:
Alright – confession – so up to now this is just a vent, and a preface that all my cynical friends should probably just delete me, or from here on in, you’ll be rolling your eyes like a husband of a Real House Wife. But I wanna say something really important to you. So here it is.
Don’t fight the hippie inside. The hippie inside is the real you. He/she wants to come out so you can do what you’re supposed to do in this world – (and you don’t have to wear natural deodorant and stop washing your hair.) Don’t let the angry, needy, approval seeking, fake you – stuff the real you down in there so much that you just become a zombie – dead during this one precious and short life you have. I know you know if this is what’s happening to you. Be real with yourself.
Do you. Be you. Stop caring. Live your life. Be fulfilled in answering your calling. Don’t feel weird about it. It’s not weird, being a Kardashian is weird. You’ve got one life man, and it’s getting shorter by the second. Now’s your time buddy. I’m behind you and so is the universe. Be you, and it will free you.
“Only through vulnerability comes true and essential invulnerability.” – Eckart Tolle.
Here’s the delayed plug from above, cause hey, a girls gotta eat right? Plus – the stuff I make is pretty freaking awesome. I wrote a book, “What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do With My Life” – A fun and friendly guide to finding your magic, your purpose and yo’ self – and it’s life changing if I don’t say so myself – check out the reviews. And I produce hybrid meditations, which are guided meditations for anxious minds, and for people who don’t like to meditate. I used a combo of the most powerful techniques in meditation with findings in neuroscience, bc I just could not get myself to meditate! They’re better than xanax and much less hot-mess-like! They’re getting rave reviews by people who clench up at the syllable “med” and then look for somewhere to hide when it’s followed by “itate.’ But definitely follow me on facebook for daily, fun loving, pseudo-hippie tips, on living your most fulfilling life!
Big big hippie hugs! (Then we’ll hold hands and skip around together in a circle under the setting sun).
For more info check out my website www.krystalchong.com