Feeling a lil’ anxious pants while typing this.
But I’ve been avoiding facing this for far too long. And… It’s time to mann up.
So I’m gonna just come out with it.
I launched KrystalTV. And it failed.
And that was a tough pill to swallow. And I felt so embarrassed, I just avoided facing the whole thing altogether – which is why you haven’t heard from me for like literally 9 months.
(Holey mackerel this post is really happening.)
By failed I mean – I got bad feedback that was … I’d say quite crushing to hear lol and then kinda buried my head ostrich style and gave up lol (I’m only lol-ing bc this is so freaking awkward – lol).
Truthfully, in hindsight the format was flawed, it’s hard to connect and communicate something meaningful when you’re rushed to do it in few minutes. But the tough-to-take-feedback was the personal critique, mostly around me being ‘too much’ – (hand on head emoticon) which I took to mean a little annoying elol (embarrassed laugh out loud). Aaaaand – Now I’m jumping out the window. *Sigh*
It made me so self-conscious and so self-critical, that I just (as we say in Jamaican) ‘seized up’ and literally could not bring myself to shoot or post any more episodes much less confront the problem. *Double Sigh*
I was really riding on a high from the overwhelmingly incredible reader response to my book and I just … well … I just wasn’t prepared for that royal face plant of a floppity-flop-flop that my ‘ole buddy the universe had stored up for me.
(Still feeling anxious pants as I continue…)
But ok – it happened. And looking back, I can totally see why people gave me that input constructively. I mean, in general I’m a little too much, and I was so excited about the episodes and making it fun for you, that it got a little more turnt up than usual. :S Apparently that was no beuno amigo.
But I mean, humiliating failure can make you shut right down.
Which is exactly what it did to me….
(VERY surprisingly starting to feel a lil’ less anxious pants now).
So – that’s what happened.
And now – I’m here to stop hiding, take back control of my life, and move past it.
And to share the steps that are helping me to get past what has felt like a paralyzing failure for this little while – in case anyone else is going through the same thing.
I’ve had 9 months to heal my ego lol. Well, as healed as it will ever be lol. And to reflect on what went wrong. And what to do about it. And I’ve decided to take some sage advice from Einy..
“You never fail until you stop trying.” Einstein.
So – Instead of turning out the lights over here, and crawling into never-never land, I’m gonna (as we say in Jamaica) wheel and come again.
Not with the one-man show format like I’ve done before but with a new approach.
What I’d like to do is have KrystalTV be interviews with other inspiring people, to share advice and perspectives from them.
Mainly because I think this format has much more value to offer you and will be much more interesting and content rich for each episode.
But also because – I feel much less intimidated about doing that lol. And I gotta get myself to start somewhere, and making that starting point as least intimidating as possible makes it more likely to actually happen.
So that’s the plan – BUT – As I’m presently, literally, like 500 months pregnant at the moment, that format will have to wait a little while – so look out for that in the future.
And in the interim, instead of leaving you totally hanging – I thought I would take my own advice and start with some baby steps. I’ll start back with written pieces and pop those in your inbox only when I think something is truly valuable to share with you.
So the format for the new and improved KrystalTV will be written posts and videos. But the objective of Krystal TV will be the same – To help you get past your mental blocks so you can live your most fulfilling lives! Cause mannnn, isn’t that just what it’s all about!!
SO! If this doesn’t work for you, I will totally understand and you’re welcome to unsubscribe – no hard feelings.
BUT – I do want to say that – part of the reason I took this so hard – was because when I launched Krystal TV – I just could not believe the support you showed me – and I just felt so really seriously deeply moved by it and the fact that you put your faith in me – that I just felt so bad that I had disappointed you.
But – it’s that faith that you put in me that is also now inspiring me to brush my bum off, get up and get back in it.
So, really, from the bottom of my heart, I want to send you as much love as humanly possible and thank you for the support and kindness you’ve shown me. I wuv you.
If you have constructive feedback/suggestions for me I would love to hear them! Hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org
So!! Onward and upward!!
Here are 5 action steps YOU can take if you’re going through some paralyzing failure but want to move past it:
- Remind yourself that failure is a natural and normal part of the journey – everyone who has ever succeeded had to go through exactly what you are going through right now. It doesn’t mean YOU are a failure. But you DO have the power to determine how this story will end. Here’s a couple little gems from our good ole man Einy to hit this one home.
“Failure is success in progress.”
“A person who never made a mistake, never tried anything new.”
“You never fail until you stop trying.”
- Take some time to step back if you need it. But make the commitment to re-address it as soon as you can.
- Be honest with yourself about what happened, as hard as that might be. Defensiveness won’t serve you, it’s a natural reaction but it will only hold you back. But true self-reflection – that will get you every where.
- Think constructively about what to do from here. Brainstorm ideas with others if you need to. But keep it on your mind, and in time the answer will come to you.
- Start with baby steps and just get back in the game in a way that’s comfortable and encouraging to you and take it from there.
Feel free to leave comments below, I always love hearing from you!
And if you have a story about a failure you’ve been through and advice to share with us about what got you through it, we would all love to hear – so pls let us know in the comments below!
To receive more articles like this one from me subscribe here.
Krystal Chong is a self-help author and founder of Anxiety Schmanxiety, a company that provides a comprehensive, organic, and enjoyable solution to anxiety. She helps high-achieving women take back control of their minds and lives and uncover the happiest and most effective versions of themselves. Her unique method is a hybrid of findings in spirituality and neuroscience.
Krystal’s 5-star reviewed book, What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do With My Life?!, has inspired thousands to move towards mental wellness and meaningful work. She was formerly the CMO for Honey Bun Ltd and holds a BSc and an MBA from McGill University and ISM. She is frequently featured in the media on topics around wellness and meaningful work.
Grab the free introduction to Krystal’s book here. Or for more information or to work with Krystal, visit www.krystalchong.com.
(From a guest post written by me on DandelionChandelier.com).
In this edition, Krystal Chong shares her thoughts on why having a lot of expensive stuff is not necessarily the route to living life luxuriously.
Here’s why YOU are your greatest luxury – and how to turn that way, waaay up.
—- “What good is all the money in the world if it can’t buy you happiness?” ——
SO – The world totally lied to us. “Get a good education, get a good job, make some good money, be successful AND THEN my child – you WILL be happy. “ – It said.
Spoiler alert. It was all a trick.
NOT so ha ha ha! (Rolling my eyes with my $200 eyelash extensions).
You probably either know or are beginning to realize this. I mean – you got all that stuff. You did all the things, checked all the boxes – money, success, recognition – You even one-upped it for good-over-achieving-measure – Add in being fabulously stylish, having all the right friends, living the so-called ‘dream.’
But after accumulation and accumulation, and yet another accumulation – you start to notice something so strange and shocking that at first you don’t dare speak of it to anyone else ….you’re just feeling emptier and emptier. Woah. I mean, sure you get a high when you get the promotion, or the new purse, or the romantic getaway, but it just doesn’t last, it’s so short lived and somehow … strikingly hollow.
It’s not real.
Then you just need more and more and MORE. Yeezus.
It’s like a sophisticated drug addict, who confuses the high with real happiness. The only reason we stay addicted to this particular drug for so long, is because we don’t realize it’s a drug.
But listen, in the words of my homegirl Oprah, this I know for sure – All the luxuries of the world, will NEVER, and I repeat, absolutely, positively, 100 million percent NEVER EVER EVER fill that void you feel inside.
No. Not a helicopter. Not Oprah’s house and personal chef. Not even being BFF’s with Jennifer Lopez (although that will probably be a pretty damn good and long-lasting high). It will ALL fade. Pretty quickly too.
F-A-D-E. And you’ll need to shoot up again with some stronger dose of something else. (Trapped much?).
So it gets you thinking, as it did me – Crap! If all this stuff is never going to give me what I’m looking for – why am I wasting my time on it – and what will?!
(Welcome to the end of the designer purse era for me).
Then you’re left with the ‘Oh-crap-what-do-I-do-from-here’ moment?
A visceral realization, that this path you’re on… It is never going to lead to the kind of fulfillment and happiness you crave. You have to find a new path in life (yep – this ain’t no light lipstick and nail design article we got going on here) – but – then comes the hard question – what path is that?
Well that moment can feel daunting. Yep. A cluster f@ck of “What have I done with my life?” kind of thoughts.
But it can also be refreshing – a new adventure, one that will lead to the kind of happiness and magic and fulfillment you have not yet experienced but have craved all your life!
Yes, it exists to be found.
I mean – it’s not like that July 4th Hamptons weekend, or trip to the Cannes Film Festival, or hook up with that super hot soccer player was a TOTAL waste ;). But this new adventure is one in which you are on the precipice of experiencing a magic and a happiness in life that literally is 10 X that other subpar heroin high stuff— and one that you are totally in the driver seat for!
So – Here are five tried and true steps to get you on the right path, in my signature form – bullet-pointed action steps in chronological order… because, hellooo Type A. And all that Buddhism stuff is good, great, wonderful – but hello soooo NOT straightforward and ain’t nobody got time for ambiguity!
1. Financial Security – First off, yes, setting up something that allows you to free yourself of financial worry gives more mental space for the other things you gotta do on this journey. BUT, don’t get caught up in thinking you need to be a multi-millionaire or retirement-ready before you can begin – this is just a sophisticated form of avoidance. If even the lowest paid peeps can take a journey like this, and succeed, then so can you, with much less than you think – challenge yourself to find a way not to let this delay you.
2. Physical Health – Sure, not having a life-threatening disease and being in good shape are pretty alright. But here, I’m really speaking about taking care of yourself so that you feel good in your body. Life has really evolved to a state of being very unnatural (we’re isolated, we eat a lot of things we were never designed to digest, we have limited activity and exposure to nature etc). All this can really affect your mental state. And ain’t nobody gonna be motivated on the path of happiness when you’re physically and mentally anxious-pants and super-depressed. So take care of yourself so that you’re in the best shape for the journey of self-exploration ahead.
3. Relationships – Look, I know people think when I use the word ‘energy,’ I’m some fairy hippie who’s tripping on Ayahuasca. But mark my words, when I refer to ‘energy from people’ I’m talking about a material phenomenon in physics just as material as gravity. Science will later fill in the details, I’m sure. But for now – just listen – the people you surround yourself with emit energy that has a reaction with yours to either uplift you, motivate you, soothe and support you, OR the opposite – it tears you down. The state of your energy field (insecure and doubtful versus driven and empowered) will entirely determine your success on the journey ahead. So choose wisely. Friends with someone because it’s cool to be? No. Ditch that. Friends with someone because you can be yourself around them, you enjoy their company, you learn from them, they help you become a better version of yourself, make you laugh and help you get through things and vice versus – invest in those friendships – they’ll stand the test of time and help you on your journey. Finding the right partner, or simply NOT being with the wrong partner is 50% of the battle here.
4. Personal Growth – “More, more, more” is a part of human nature. So it’s hard to just let that go, especially if you’re an overachiever as it is. Plus, with so much energy and drive, you gotta channel it somewhere so you don’t blow up. Channel it here! Focus on expanding your mind and yourself, learning and improving – it’s literally the gift that keeps on giving. Just start with any area you’re curious about developing or becoming better in.
5. Life Purpose – Woah Nelly. This is the momma load. “What’s the meaning of life?” “What will make my life fulfilling?” “How do I find true happiness?” Yep – they all lead back to life purpose. And you may have avoided this topic before because yo, it’s hella heavy! But we can avoid no more, because it’s literally the jackpot of ultimate happiness and fulfillment. The previous steps were all leading you here. So often the reason we feel depressed or anxious is because this is our intuition telling us there’s something we’re meant to be doing that we’re not doing – it’s just trying to guide us there. Listen to it, it’s wise as hell. Finding and living a meaningful life will give you the peace and fulfillment and all the answers you seek, and it will bring some bonus magic and miracles into your life along with it!
More information on these topics can be found in my book, What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do With My Life?!
Sooo – easy peazy right?! Well – I’m sure you already know that nothing worth anything ever came easy. But instead of giving yourself more ‘stuff,’ and instead of investing in more things, how about investing in you? It will give you the power to experience life more fully, you’ll have total control over your own happiness. It will give you the ultimate and most authentic fulfilling form of happiness. It will give you peace at the end of your days with a life well and authentically lived. It will give you what you are really looking for. What better luxury in this world is there than that?
(Photo Credit: Clare Cusack)
Krystal Chong is a self-help author and founder of Anxiety Schmanxiety, a company that provides a comprehensive, organic, and enjoyable solution to anxiety. She helps high-achieving women take back control of their minds and lives and uncover the happiest and most effective versions of themselves. Her unique method is a hybrid of findings in spirituality and neuroscience. Krystal’s 5-star reviewed book, What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do With My Life?!, has inspired thousands to move towards mental wellness and meaningful work. She was formerly the CMO for Honey Bun Ltd and holds a BSc and an MBA from McGill University and ISM. She is frequently featured in the media on topics around wellness and meaningful work.
Grab the free introduction to Krystal’s book here. Or for more information or to work with Krystal, visit www.krystalchong.com.
Wanna Be More Productive?
Here’s three tricks I learned from high performers!
So if you’ve read my book you know, I’m like crazy always trying to optimize everything for maximum productivity lol.
MUST ACCOMPLISH MAXIMUM AMOUNT OF THINGS IN MINIMUM AMOUNT OF TIME. Lol. God help me.
However, it’s funny, because, along my journey, I encountered some super duper high performers. And one very important thing I learned from them is that what we traditionally think is being productive is actually counterproductive.
Here I share 3 things they taught me, and which I found are game changers for truly optimizing yourself to achieve more of what’s really valuable to you.
Check out this video for 3 Ways To Be More Productive in 5 minutes!
Let us know if there are other tips you use to be more productive in the comments! Or if there are other topics you’d like to see in future episodes!
WARNING: I apologize in advance for today’s episode. I had a big matcha latte before shooting it lol. So it’s a little powered up lol. But hope you enjoy!
Have a wonderful day, leading into a wonderful life!
P.S. If you want some more supercharged tools to supercharge your life, check out my book, with 5 star Amazon reviews here.
Click HERE to sign up, so you’ll be the first to get free episodes of Krystal TV!
F*ck Self Doubt! And Do Beautiful Wonderful YOU!
So – last week I launched Krystal TV – a show designed to help you get past your mental blocks so you can live your best possible life! And on your death bed, feel like, “YES I rocked this sh*t! I’d love to live it just like THAT all over again!
But man – I was terrified for the launch. No joke – It was probably the single scariest, most self-conscious moment of my life. I’m not exaggerating, during the actual screening, with everyone’s eyes peeled on the first episode, I honestly thought I was going to have an aneurysm. But by the grace of the universe, and quite a bit of ass-busting work beforehand, it all paid off!
Then came the inevitable question – “What qualifies Krystal to give people life advice?”
I used to feel afraid or defensive about a question like this. “Who are you to tell me what to do?” But this time, it came from a very loving source, a long time friend who supported the book and the show – he just genuinely wanted to know – he was curious. And – without the defensive blinders up – I actually thought it was a really really great question, and a perfect topic for this weeks blog post – as I’m sure other people might be wondering the same thing.
So – Who the hell am I to give you advice? Ya?! Ya!! Who am I….
I’m not a psychologist. I’m not a psychiatrist. I’m not a medical doctor or a philosophy professor. I’m not a spiritual leader. I’m not a guru. (Really selling my self here huh).
Nope. I’m none of those glasses wearing, leather chair sitting, grey-haired, note scribbling things.
I’m just a normal person. Solving my normal people problems. Putting my Type A to good use by doing a crap load of research, over analyzing it to narrow it down, and testing those theories out on myself. And THEN, sharing what works for me, with others, in the event that it may work for them as well.
Sure, that doesn’t sound like a very big sell – which is honestly what I thought when I wrote the book. But at the point of publishing the book, I decided not to think too much about it and just do what I felt, intuitively, was the right thing for me to do. And I did (with that fear of who-am-I-to-give-people-life-advice ever present in the back of my head).
And guess what? (Squat! Belly full of ten boiled rat! – Joke – Inside joke for the Jamaicans). After I published the book, I got hundreds of messages and emails from people who told me the most wonderful stories about the incredible magical changes that were happening in their lives since reading it! GOD KNOW! (Some more Jamaican). Every single time this happens – it’s the biggest most surreal and fulfilling moment of my life.)
But here’s the funny thing. These same people, many previously suicidal, but most feeling anxious, depressed and totally hopeless, told me stories of past shrinks, past psychologists and councilors and other self-help books by famous authors that DID NOT work for them.
So why the hell did my little old book work for little old them?
Because they felt that I really deeply understood their struggle because I went through it exactly as they had. They felt empowered, knowing that they were not alone with these issues no one seems to be talking about, but so many of us are facing. And most importantly – They felt hope, knowing that me – a regular person just like them, with the same problems they’re currently having that seem like a dead end road – had actually overcome those problems and come out the other side on top of them. Hey if I can do it, so can they! They felt relief that little old OCD me, had put actual action steps in the book for little old OCD them! Because FML, who wants to feel inspired and fired up but then have absolutely no clue about what to do next! Talk about inspirational blue balls!
But yes. Every time I heard a story, from a reader who took back their power and changed their own lives and created their own magic- and is continuing to do so – the more I got a little courage muscle growing that you know what – fuck that ‘who-am-i’ doubt – imma share my sh*t anyways. That’s totally cool if it doesn’t work for some people, and if a more traditional route does, more power to them, but yo there’s a whole bunch of people just like me who this stuff is working for – and that’s’ who this stuff is for.
And that realization reminded me that on this journey of ours, finally – when we do connect to this thing we really want to do, fear comes in and disguises itself a self-doubt. A HARD ass pill of HARD ass self-doubt. And yow, I tell you, that fear is a smart ass mother f*cker. It comes up with some brilliant logic to trick you, so you feel to just go crawl back under your rock and live under a mushroom (a red and white one like in the cartoons).
So I’ll talk more about conquering fears in other episodes and other blog posts. But today I wanted to give you some action steps for conquering self-doubt.
- Do it for the right reasons. Make sure what you’re doing, you’re doing for the right reason. Make sure it’s something you feel intuitively in your GUT that this is what you’re supposed to do. If it is, the universe will support you, because it’s your destiny. (If you’re uncertain of how to tell, check out Chapter 6 in my book, The Stater Step).
- Set a date or a deadline to do this. If you don’t give yourself a timeline, trust me, that self-doubt will convince you to postpone it indefinitely.
- Anticipate the self-doubt. Just know that everyone who ever does anything for the first time, and even for the second, third, and fourth time, has this self-doubt. It’s part of the package. Find a greater reason why you should do it, than why you shouldn’t and focus on that instead. If it helps, focus on why you ARE capable of doing this instead of why you’re not.
- Do the work. Nothing beats self-doubt more than being very prepared. Get feedback on your work from close friends who understand what you’re doing. This way you can improve on anything beforehand to get yourself ready for the big day.
- Distract yourself. If you have some free time, your mind will play tricks on you especially coming close to the date. Do things that distract you and make you feel good; work out, listen to music, get immersed in a good book, do a guided meditation – or practice and prep some more! Anything to get out of your head, when your head is getting to you lol!
- Know that no matter what happens, it won’t be the end of the world. If you felt this is something you must do, it’s a part of your journey. If you’ve prepared, leave the rest to God or the Universe to show you what’s next. And whatever happens, there will be a valuable life lesson in it that you needed to know for something important in your future – and that will be priceless.
If you liked this post and would like to read more on becoming the best version of you, check out my book, “What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do With My Life?!” – With 5 stars on Amazon!
Or share this article with a friend who would find it helpful.
And sign up for free Krystal TV – for videos with more relatable actionable advice and more blog posts like this one.
Have a wonderful day! Leading into a wonderful life!
Lots of love!
“Stuck in a moment… and you can’t get out of it.” – U2
So I wrote this whole book about my life story that was vulnerable as sh*t. The moment it came time to publish it – I literally sh*t my pants. Well not literally, but as close to the feeling of that expression as possible. My thought was, “If I publish this, the whole world, anyone who wishes, will be able to see me completely naked. In ways that even when you’re naked you’re not seen!” Hello. That’s pretty freakin’ naked!
Anyways. The thing that got me out of that nakedness-fearing-ditch – was the thought that if this book made even one person feel not alone, or feel braver, or led to a more fulfilling life for them – then even if everyone else hated it and judged me – it would have been worth it. So, I did a big gulp… like in the cartoons …. with sweat beads on my forehead and all – and hit publish.
Mic pick back up….
The biggest surprise of all happened in the moment immediately after that. I felt COMPLETELY FREE. FREE FREE FREE. Like a panty liner wrapper blowing in the wind. Freer than I’d ever felt before.
Why? Bc I had forever, and in a way I could never take back, told the truth about who I was – the good the bad and the very very bulldog ugly. And – I’d freed myself from having to pretend to be something I wasn’t – bc I actually couldn’t anymore. What .. a .. woosah!!! Like a panda bear taking off some tight pants and officially letting that belly go! Ya man.
Then. Only up from there. Everything just started to happen so magically. It was surreal! People really connected with the book’s message. The press rallied behind it. I got unbelievable, soul touching reviews on amazon. People, both ones I knew but had no idea what they were going through, as well as complete strangers, we’re reaching out to me every day to say how much the book was touching them, making them feel unalone, and inspired and brave. Every single day.
It was just such a high. It was like the creation of the book it self was fulfilling enough, and then every day it was more and more and more fulfilling, seeing the positive impact it had on people.
“Oh boy” I thought. This is just too good to be true. And aware that life is yin and yang, high ups and low downs – a balance – I was like “Shit – if this is so high – how bad is the come down gonna be!” But I decided to just enjoy the moment anyways while it was there, and deal with the low later when it would come. And that I did. And that it did.
One day a few months later – when the momentum had peaked, it started coming back down slowly. And there I was spiraling down. Initially caused by an incident with an old friend who was going through something difficult. Then made worse by hitting a road block with my work. And finally, the winter took an aggressive turn, and it was just like ‘Bodoof boof boof’ – drop – done.
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to – Seasonal Affective Disorder. Otherwise known, very sadly, as SAD. Happens mostly to people who grow up in a warm climate that move to a cold country. Their body can’t adjust to the lack of sunlight and fresh air and the confinement, and so they become physically depressed because of the hormonal imbalance this circumstance causes.
It was happening. It had happened to me once in college and I had to drop out for a semester and make up the classes in summer. So once it started happening, I knew exactly what it was.
So this time it was different.
Let me first be clear. The depression I refer to in my book was depression that was caused by my mind and my natural biochemical predisposition. It was just depression – no reason to be sad – not caused by external circumstances – just depressed as hell for no good reason – biological thing.
So now that I learned how to handle THAT – surprise surprise – life was like, “Yeah man, you think you know whattagwan. Tek snow. Tek lock up inna house. Tek farin without family,” – life has a Jamaican accent apparently.
Sigh. One hurdle jumped – now another.
I pulled out all my tools for dealing with depression. Exercise, no processed food, good sleep, meditation, keeping my energy field clear. And it definitely padded it, making it not as bad as it could be, but it still felt really really sh*tty. And it became exhausting continuously trying to keep it at bay.
One night in trying to explain this to Lasse, my fiancé, I said, “It feels like you’re constantly treading water trying to stay afloat, desperately trying every day not to sink.”
The next day I did my special workout class that usually motivates me. And I had a strange discord with my body and my mind. Mentally, I was strong – I wanted to fight, but physically my body just couldn’t get down with it.
It was so strange. Usually, when I start to get depressed, I can recognize what’s happening and use my mind to counteract it. I’ve been doing that for 8 years now with regular depression. But when it’s something like Seasonal Affective Disorder, related to an external situation having a physical effect on you, no matter what’s in your mind, your body is separate from it and you can feel powerless.
Anyways, I wanted to say all this because… there was a moment I felt to go under the radar until I felt better. Sort of sweep this under the rug. After all, how can I talk about depression when it still affects me occasionally in new and different ways. But then, that would take back that freedom – and nothing is more important to me. The freedom I gained when I published my book and was honest about ‘me’ with nothing to hide. So here it is. And as usual, like all my chapters, talks, blog posts, here are five action steps for anyone going through something similar.
- Recognize what’s happening to you. When you realize it’s caused by an outside circumstance, you don’t buy into the stuff your mind makes up. Stuff like, it’s your partner’s fault, or your bosses fault, etc etc. When you realize it’s external, though you will still feel it, it has much less power over you.
- Don’t be afraid to talk about it. I was holding it all in, trying to be super brave, not wanting Lasse (or even you) to see this ‘pathetic’ side of me. Then one night, I could not help it and I just started crying crying crying uncontrollably. Instead of looking at me like I was a lunatic, it brought Lasse and I closer and he finally felt compassion for something he will never understand. And funny enough, right after I cried I felt so much better (crying releases the hormones – which is biologically why we’ve evolved to cry). And it’s been on the up and up mend, since then. Yes, ladies, crying can be productive! But please proceed with caution lol.
- Do what works. Exercise, diet, meditation etc etc has been on overdrive. And yes still it has not completely obliterated it. But it’s kept it at a controllable and bearable level until it passes. Which it will.
- Stop thinking just do. There are times when you’re depressed when your body wants to just lay in bed and do nothing. And of course, this makes the depression worse. But when you’re depressed, it’s hard to explain, but the desire to do that is so powerful it makes sense in that moment. I knew I needed to go outside in the cold, and force myself to walk for half hour, to get Vitamin D from the sun in the morning. But every time I thought about it I couldn’t get myself to do it. Finally, I decided to just put on my coat and get to the front door and not deliberate about if I should or shouldn’t – once I got to the front door I could come back up if I wanted.That didn’t seem so bad or hard. And whenever I did get there, walking outside was easier, and the much-needed sunlight helped a lot with keeping things tolerable.
- Remember – Everything will pass – in time. When you’re depressed you can feel like you don’t remember when you were happy or if you’ll ever be happy again. It sounds silly to think of when you’re not, or if you’ve never experienced it, but the chemicals play this trick on your mind. Just keep remembering that that’s just one of those crazy types of thoughts you have when you’re depressed, and reassure yourself that “this too WILL pass.”
Finally – On my birthday – I was feeling down having been going through this for a little while, and not having any friends or family around. About 2 pm on that day I was super down. And then two things happened:
- I went through my Facebook messages and saw the sweet love notes everyone had sent me. And that love from everyone really was like medicine – it had a physiologically healing effect on me.
- A reader reached out to me at exactly the same time, sharing a really touching story about the struggle she had been going through, and the things she did based on some suggestions in the book, and how she was totally reinvigorated and excited and empowered about exploring life again. I could feel her transition from hopeless to enthusiastic. I could see her re-writing her wonderful future. And that just f@cking made my WHOLE day.
So I guess the reason I wanted to share these two things is that a lot of times, we look to our partners or our immediate family for joy when we’re down. And this can become exhausting for them – they’re people too and they do the best they can. But don’t forget to look for joy in unexpected places, then you have so much more joy to find!
Photo by @Claremarienyc
And now finally finally! I wanted to share a sort of, fun, pseudo-masochistic indulgence which sometimes makes me feel better. I play “Stuck in a Moment” by U2 super loud, and sing the song like it’s my happy self-singing it to my SAD self. Then I start kind of jamming out to giving myself a passive aggressive pep talk lol – try it – the song is super fun!
HAPPY S.A.D! Whatever that means. It seemed strangely appropriate. Lots and lots and lots of hugs.
So let’s help each other yeah yeah yeah! One and two have lots of fuu-uun! – Leave a note in the comments below if you have any questions. OR! If you have tips for dealing with S.A.D effectively, we would LOVE to hear them below! – Seriously! Don’t hesitate or over think – just write it below – now :). <3
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If you liked this article and if you think it would be helpful for someone else, please share!! Until next time! Big huge massive hugs!!