“What if I fall?” “Oh but my darling, what if you fly?!”

— Erin Hanson —

Ok. I’m coming out of the closet: Hi my name is Krystal, and I’m a new-agey hippie, and I don’t give a f*ck about who thinks it’s cliché. And here’s why:

Bc it sure as sh*t is, and I friggin’ love it anyways.

Now…. where’s the nearest tree that I can go hug?

Six years ago, my level of emptiness in my ‘perfect stupid fake @ss life’ was like woah. Pretending to be important (to myself mostly), driving in my Benz to my C-level job, barf barf barf. Even worst, it exasperated my anxiety and my depression issues. And I literally thought of killing myself. No joke –  dramatic I know – but this is another story. Back to this topic.

So I did the math. After all, I AM Asian, so if I can do anything, it should at least be math.

Life = Make Money + Spend Money + Die ?

Holeeey God. Is that all there is? (Sung in that jazz song that I don’t know – I only remember that one line from Sex and the City’s Za Za Jew Episode).

But seriously… Is that all there is? F*ck My Life if that’s the f*cking case. “Then what the hell is there left to live for?” my suicidal self asked provokingly. Then my rational side, seeing no winning argument here, bought myself some time by answering back, “Well, I mean, if I’ve got nothing to lose, then I’m gonna go find out – if that’s all there is.”

Quit my job working with my family –  it was a big deal lol. Moved to New York from Jamaica, with no visa and no plans. That was also kind of a big deal. And then nose dive face planted into the hella big ass unknown. At that point, everything was such a big deal that nothing was a big deal anymore.

Fast forward four years later. Holy mother of God what a journey. But let’s get back to the original thesis.

Is that all there is?

HELLA MOTHA FREAKIN NO ITS NOTTTT! Yikes. Yabadabbadoo. ZABA-goh-oey! It’s hard to cut this short, but one must in the interest of the average 2016 sized attention span. So back to it:

The most insane thing to me is that the media has managed to make us think it is, creating this big @ss veil in front of gazillions of people! (Gazillions is a legitimate term in hippiedom). But, look – this isn’t like, some ‘idealistic hippie conspiracy theory,’…  like ….

‘Ugh the media, ugh, let’s roll a fatty and take a nap.’(Said in mean girls accent).

This is a matter of life and death. It’s a matter of feeling like you’re dead when you’re alive (for your entire life, so you’ve basically only ever been dead). And feeling so alive that you’re lit up with so much freaking life, you feel electric life in every cell of your being. It’s the difference of living just to eat, excrete and then get buried deep under ten feet ( wtf – did I just turn into a rapper?). And really using and experiencing the sh*t out of this one life you have – to the point that when you die, you cannot imagine possibly having lived more fully! You feel like, ‘woah, that was a good friggin’ run, peace out yo.’

I felt so passionate about the topic, that I was more inspired than I’ve ever been about anything else, to create a company that uses the media for positive change. So I created a company with the vision of producing entertaining and empowering media. Stuff that helps people live their most fulfilling and their freest lives. Like what you ask? Well, I’ll tell you at the end of the blog, I feel like it would just be a big fat plug at this point right now.

So – I’m at peace. I’m happy. I’m fulfilled, even on my absolute shittiest days. I have never been depressed again since that day six years ago. And I now have a hilarious relationship with my formerly tormenting General Anxiety Disorder – with no meds and one patient fiancé. 

But best of all, I can’t wait to wake up to do my work, and I don’t care how much money I make. And I have no more doubt, only anticipation of the unknown up ahead of me. Why? Bc I’ve found my true north (you know on a compass when you know where north is, you can always find your way? – like that – thanks Wanderlust for the analogy).

But look – back to the point. Now, after I’ve spent four years finding ‘myself’ (yes, I know this sounds cheesy, but hey apparently that’s my thing now – along with beaded jewelry and essential oil as perfume). And after spending a year working on stuff I believe in with all my heart – I’m ready to put it out there and guess what?

I have cold feet. Like a groom right before he’s about to walk down the isle, I’m sweating bullets, my crotch is imaginarily scratching; I’m having a panic attack paralyzing all parts of my body except my eyeballs, which are frantically looking around for the nearest exit.

And I’m just like “WHAT THE HELL, KRYSTAL?”

Then I realized. While I’ve been on this adventure, all my closest friends have seen the old, corporate-b*tch-me die. And then seen this new happy hippie, new agey, crystals lovin’, inspirational quote buggin’, tree huggin’ mother f*cka get born (I’m a rapper again, wtf).

I’m a born again lifey. I don’t feel the need to be sarcastic about ‘happy sh*t’ or dumb down my joy and turn up the cynicism so I can seem cool and be invulnerable. If I see a quote that I think is powerful – Imma share it! I’m over it. I don’t wanna pretend like this is not what I am. Ya, I shed the ‘bad ass bitch’ and put on the unicorn costume, and I feel like the flaming gay man who got the chance to dress up and perform with Liza Minelli on his 50th birthday- like THIS IS WHERE I BELONG – in that unicorn costume. Yes. There.   

In this hoodie:

Unicorn Hoodie

Alright – confession –  so up to now this is just a vent, and a preface that all my cynical friends should probably just delete me, or from here on in, you’ll be rolling your eyes like a husband of a Real House Wife. But I wanna say something really important to you. So here it is.

Don’t fight the hippie inside. The hippie inside is the real you. He/she wants to come out so you can do what you’re supposed to do in this world – (and you don’t have to wear natural deodorant and stop washing your hair.) Don’t let the angry, needy, approval seeking, fake you – stuff the real you down in there so much that you just become a zombie – dead during this one precious and short life you have. I know you know if this is what’s happening to you. Be real with yourself.

Do you. Be you. Stop caring. Live your life. Be fulfilled in answering your calling. Don’t feel weird about it. It’s not weird, being a Kardashian is weird. You’ve got one life man, and it’s getting shorter by the second. Now’s your time buddy. I’m behind you and so is the universe.  Be you, and it will free you.

“Only through vulnerability comes true and essential invulnerability.” – Eckart Tolle.

Here’s the delayed plug from above, cause hey, a girls gotta eat right? Plus – the stuff I make is pretty freaking awesome. I wrote a book, “What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do With My Life” – A fun and friendly guide to finding your magic, your purpose and yo’ self – and it’s life changing if I don’t say so myself – check out the reviews. And I produce hybrid meditations, which are guided meditations for anxious minds, and for people who don’t like to meditate. I used a combo of the most powerful techniques in meditation with findings in neuroscience, bc I just could not get myself to meditate! They’re better than xanax and much less hot-mess-like! They’re getting rave reviews by people who clench up at the syllable “med” and then look for somewhere to hide when it’s followed by “itate.’ But definitely follow me on facebook for daily, fun loving, pseudo-hippie tips, on living your most fulfilling life! 

Big big hippie hugs! (Then we’ll hold hands and skip around together in a circle under the setting sun). 

For more info check out my website www.krystalchong.com

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